Here is introduction paragraph. Can you guys take a look at it and give me some feedback. is there anything I need to change?
From the parking lot I could see the towers of the castle of the Magic Kingdom standing largely against the blue sky. To the right, the tall peak of The Matterhorn rose even higher. From the left, I could hear the jungle sounds of Adventureland. As I entered the gate Main Street stretched before me with its quaint shops evoking an old-fashioned small town so charming it could never have existed. I was entranced. Disneyland may have been built for children, but it brings out the child in adults.
Great start to your essay dude!! I love the description you are using. I do not think I could do that.Maybe you want to mention the time of the year as well in your essay.
ReplyDeleteThat is an excellent start. I would consider replacing 'largely' with another descriptor. Would 'stately' work here? Also, a quick read through to add a couple more punctuation marks would be a good idea. Can't wait to read the rest!
ReplyDeleteThanks Mrs S. Stately does work better.
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